Weaving my way through motherhood whilst trying not to mess up adulthood. An observational lifetstyle and parenting blog

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Dear Santa, hold off on the brussel sprout farts






Dear Santa,

In less than a month you will collect your red suit from the dry cleaners, give your beard a trim, nothing too drastic  just a little tidy up-of course whilst you wait for your elves to dust off your sleigh and load the boot( do sleighs have boots?)  With all the brand new toys and books and gizmo's and gadgets for all the children who still believe in your magic.

I am excited for your arrival, I always have been, I could have sworn that I heard the faint jingle of bells as your sleigh flew over my house when I was younger and I was amazed that you knew the exact doll I wanted having just seen it in the shop the week before.  Your apologetic letter when you ran out of wrapping paper has never been forgotten especially as you have the best handwriting ever! And even now, as the official countdown begins my little Lei can’t wait for her stocking to be filled, especially as you never miss out the rice cakes that she loves so much!

Now,  when you visit the houses and you drink your belly full in milk or something a little bit stronger  and you leave your cookie crumbs on the table and let your reindeer nibble at the carrots before you leave in your obvious tell-tale trail of snowy footprints, can you tell me why I didn’t make your Christmas list?

Oh, I know I’m too old to believe, but I do and if I squeeze my eyes really tight and say I do believe a few more times, I’m positive a couple of fairies will regain their long lost wings. But this isn’t about fairies, it’s about you and me Santa....baby.

I’m not asking for much, and I have been an awful good girl this year, mostly...okay I haven’t folded the laundry straight away and have left it to resemble a clothes store sale rack and I’ve let Lei watch way too many episodes of Dora and Friends oh and if we wanna count that one time after a night-shift I overslept and missed the school run but I’m sure when you check your list twice, you will see that I’m not too much of a rotten egg.
So here's my list, I'll keep it short

  • Ban Musical Instruments :Two years ago Lei got a drum set for Christmas. Oh she had such fun, oh she made a racket oh I hated those drums!!  But what took the piss was the generous giver of such present gave it in the knowledge that it would do my head in! So please, no toys that can create a constant musical noise with no off switch!
  • No Cooking disasters : I love baking at Christmas, you should know as I've left you a slice of my Christmas cake last year. However, I can't quite master cookies. They either all merge into one giant biscuit that has to be scraped off the bottom of the tray or taste off- Not cool!
  • 10 more minutes sleep: On Christmas morning I will be bleary eyed and giddy with excitement and exhaustion  as I watch Lei open her presents, so a lie in on Boxing day will be perfect, please.
  • Hold off on the Brussel sprout farts: I don't fart, no I  really don't...not when I'm aware anyway and definitely not by force! So you should know Santa darling, that those induced by little cabbages and done by my dinner guests make me just that bit queasy.
  • Thou shall not procrastinate:  Honestly...if you have a solution I will leave you an extra mince pie
  • Christmas and Chill: When all the food and drink has been drunk and everyone is slumped on the sofa full of gammon and merriment it would be perfect for us to all stay awake to watch Christmas television or  movies without falling asleep...perhaps you should take special note of my request for more sleep!

I think Santa, this must be your easiest list to date, but if it's too much then honestly don't stress. I'll just do your job for ya, because seriously...how hard is it to nibble a carrot, drink some milk( or something stronger) leave a trail of crumbs from a mince pie and fill a stocking with pressies or grant a mum a lie in on Boxing day?

With lots of Christmas cheer and extra tinsel on top

Jade Priscilla

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8 comments

  1. Great post I definitely agree with the more sleep. I think I have musical instruments thing to come or noisy toys at least.

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  2. Love your wit in this letter to santa - brilliant! Musical instruments are the bane of my life, my mum keeps telling me she's bought a drum kit for the boys for Christmas...i'm pretty sure she's winding me up but you can never be too sure! xx

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  3. I loved this post and I love sprouts so yeah, I cannot wait for them x

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  4. Aw this is a lovely letter Jade! Completely agree re: banning musical instruments and not allowing any cooking disasters:)

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  5. Hahaha, I have not laughed this much in ages. I am sure santa will obliged most of your requests, now about the brussel sprout farts lol, had me in stitches.

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  6. lol this made me laugh out loud, I really hope you get your wish list this year. I too am hoping for a lie in on Boxing Day. xx

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  7. Oh what a wonderful Christmas list!! It'd be funny to read this to a child. I'm sure they'd be baffled by the choices but they make so much sense for a grown up!! x

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  8. Haha thou shall not procrastinate... Ana get off your bloody phone! I always get given the most brussels as well its like they are setting me up to fail haha!

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